Paige, Macie & Brennan in New York-Christmas 2007
If your reading this thinking "ok, here's the good stuff and she's going to tell all", think again! I have three kids and have been through many "untellable" situations, so this blog will be about how Jeff and I try to handle things as parents. I will talk about different things we have been through, but for the sake of my kids privacy, I won't tell all!!!
It's not easy having three kids but it sure is exciting! When your children are as spread out as ours, you encounter all kinds of situations. Some you might expect and some slap you in the face and you think "my child would have never done that"...wrong!!! It's not if they will do something wrong, it's a matter of when!
We are by no means experts when it comes to parenting, in fact, far from it. We learn as we go. Everyone has their own way of handling things, but our approach is to try and be as honest and open with our kids as possible. If you don't tell them the truth, someone else will tell them what they want to hear! If you hold on to tight, they will go behind your back and if your to loose, they will think everything is okay and you have no control...so where is that happy medium? We are still searching for it! Jeff is the one that Paige goes to about everything (I'm the freak out queen according to her). Macie seems to come to me more and I really like that. Brennan is still young enough that either one of us will do! It's funny how one child feels more comfortable with one parent and one with another, but that's balance and it works!
Last week Macie made the comment that some of her friends think I am "strict" because I make her have a curfew. I will approach this from my view. She's 16 years old and a new driver. I want to make sure she is not laying on the side of the road all night and I think she is okay. I also think there is plenty of time for her to be an "adult" and at 16, she's not equipped to handle alot of things that come her way...so yes, my 16 year old has a curfew. On the flip side of that, once Paige turned 18, we told her as long as we knew where she was and checked in, her curfew was gone. She decided to live at home and save money for a year. This way she could see what it's like to juggle work, college, money and free time. She wanted the same freedoms as being off at college or living on her own, so we gave her that. Now she is ready to move out on her own and has a better understanding of how things work. Thank goodness we have a little longer before we have to deal with raising a teenage boy and trying to see what works for him. That will be a challenge in itself...boys and girls...total opposites!!!
Yes, our kids work! They make good grades, are involved in extra activities and if they want to run the roads, they have to pay for it. We take care of the big stuff like cars, insurance, school activities and college, but clothes, gas and spending money is up to them. It's not cruel to make your kids learn responsibility~that's what life is about. I can see how well it has worked for our oldest. She is probably more mature and indepedent than most 30 year olds because she understands what it takes to make it. She was given a brand new car at 16, completely paid for and she hated it. I told her if we traded it in, she was responsible for the payment. She agreed and in a couple of months she will have paid for it in full. She pays for just about everything she does and she said she doesn't want credit cards because she wants to have good credit~what 19 year old says that?? Its not a sin to teach your kids what it takes to make it in life. If they are always handed everything, how will they ever learn...just our view.
I had kids starting at the age of 22, when most of my friends were still partying! So when they started having kids, my phone was ringing off the hook! "What do I do about this" and "how do I handle that"? LOL~you live and learn was my all time best answer. I'm no expert and I'm still learning and I'm 41 years old. I think the number one question I was asked and everyone is afraid to talk about is "how do you talk to your kids about SEX...shhh"...don't say it too loud...that's a bad word! Ha! Just talk to them and be honest. From the first time they ask "what does that mean", Jeff and I decided to be honest, tell them and let them know they could come to us about anything. We didn't talk about little flying birds or crazy buzzing bees, we talked about sex....the good, the bad and the scary! I'm not spilling our views on it all, but I will say that you shouldn't crawl under a rock and think your kids are perfect and that they won't be tempted because this is real life. Just let them know you are always available to talk and that you won't freak out (and if you do want to freak out, hold it in as hard as it is).
Friends...it doesn't matter if your a boy or a girl...friends can be rough. Our kids have more drama with friends than with anything else. Girls are mean and I kinda think little boys have drama too...it's my opinion and only my opinion that if the parents would stay out of it and shut their mouths, the kids could handle their problems a lot better. I am one of those who gets mad and tries to tell my kids how to handle things because I don't like to see my children hurt. BUT, the worse thing I could do is to call other parents or take it out on the kids they are having problems with. Like I said earlier, you live...you learn. If we want our kids to be mature, we need to be also...end of that story.
I wish I had a dime for everytime I have screwed up trying to raise my kids I would be a rich woman. I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. I do know that I have what I consider really great children. They are honest (almost too honest at times), they aren't major partiers, they love people and they have great hearts...we must be doing something right.
I will end by saying this. We raise our kids in a Christian home. We also think it's important that our home is their safe haven. They should be able to be who they really are. In that I mean, sometimes in the world we have to act different to feel "approved" by others, but home is your safe place where you can say and do what you feel! It's a very open house...in speech and in expression. We are forgiving parents and understand that our kids are not perfect, but WE forgive them and move on, just like they have to forgive us for our screw up moves that we make as parents! Well, that's it...this is how we feel and what we think...like it or not! All that really matters is our kids know we love them...no matter what!
